I’m not even sure.

I’m gonna be honest. I started this website with the hopes of it being a blog. I wanted to share all of the thoughts in my head and see if maybe I wasn’t so alone. But, now every time I stare at the keyboard, I’m wondering what I even have to say. Maybe the first step is just taking the step.

Things are heavy right now. I’m honestly having a hard time sorting it out to let the problems be on their own. Everything is tangled too closely together & the ends, well, they’re gone. My brain likes neatly organized and not one piece of their is organized. Instead it’s just a too long to do list, worries, and probably some sadness. A whole lot of overwhelm.

But, here’s where it gets fun. I’m not sure where I am supposed to turn for support. Because, I’m not the only one. It feels like everyone I talk to is on the struggle bus. And I know that so, reaching out to ask people to hold more of mine just seems so selfish. I know, I know… that’s not how community works. And I know, sometimes asking for help allows others to do the same. But alas, I guess that’s one of the things I’m working on untangling.

Community requires a level of vulnerability that terrifies me. Letting people see all of the messy parts laid bare & allowing them to do what they want with it? Yeah, no thank you. But, I’m also wondering if that’s the only way forward.