Today is my 39th birthday. It’s kind of weird. I will be completely honest, I don’t think I ever really imagined getting this far. But, here I am. This year… has to be different. There has to be a plan. Something needs to change. Because, nothing changes if nothing changes.
So, I am changing things.
First step? Getting off social media. I have a weird relationship with social media. It is both a place where you can find AMAZING people & things, and a place where you can find TERRIBLE people & things. With the way algorithms work, usually terrible because bad things make more money. Between constantly being sold something, being told I’m doing everything wrong, & me being the product? I’m kind of over it. It was a great way to keep up with people I haven’t seen for a while but honestly… what’s the point of keeping up with people you aren’t speaking to? It almost feels… voyeuristic.
Second step? Figuring out who the fuck I am. Not who I’m supposed to be. Not who I think I should be. Not who I am told to be. Who I am. And sure, maybe there are some overlaps but I’ve never had a solid sense of self.
Third step? I need to slow down. Really? Maybe it’s just another way of saying it’s time for me to be present. Be here. Enjoy the now. I live in a city full of fun experience. I have a day that should be filled with more than just me frustrated & waiting for the next task to mark off my list. Gotta stop and smell the roses, you know?
Fourth? This may be the hardest. I want to use the things I have instead of constantly consuming (…for the dopamine.) 🤣 Read the books I own. Physical and e-book. (And write reviews?) Learn the crafts I own. Because, seriously… girl, what were you doing?? Most of my craft supplies are all in one place now. And yikes. As I am trying to organize it all I’m like “uh? Which manic episode was this?!” Set up my garden again & dive deeper into the chickens. There is so much that I already have that I just need to go beyond surface level on. And it will be much cheaper than a brand new hobby every 6 weeks that I never touch.
Maybe I’ll keep this updated. Maybe I will forget about it again. Who knows at this point.
