Today is my 39th birthday. It’s kind of weird. I will be completely honest, I don’t think I ever really imagined getting this far. But, here I am. This year… has to be different. There has to be a plan. Something needs to change. Because, nothing changes if nothing changes.
So, I am changing things. Or trying to at least…
First step? Getting off social media. I have a weird relationship with social media. It is both a place where you can find AMAZING people & things, and a place where you can find TERRIBLE people & things. With the way algorithms work, usually terrible because bad things make more money. Between constantly being sold something, being told I’m doing everything wrong, & me being the product? I’m kind of over it. It was a great way to keep up with people I haven’t seen for a while but honestly… what’s the point of keeping up with people you aren’t speaking to? It almost feels… voyeuristic.
Second step? Figuring out who the fuck I am. Not who I’m supposed to be. Not who I think I should be. Not who I am told to be. Who I am. And sure, maybe there are some overlaps but I’ve never had a solid sense of self.
Third step? I need to slow down. Really? Maybe it’s just another way of saying it’s time for me to be present. Be here. Enjoy the now. I live in a city full of fun experience. I have a day that should be filled with more than just me frustrated & waiting for the next task to mark off my list. Gotta stop and smell the roses, you know?
Fourth? This may be the hardest. I want to use the things I have instead of constantly consuming (…for the dopamine.) 🤣 Read the books I own. Physical and e-book. (And write reviews?) Learn the crafts I own. Because, seriously… girl, what were you doing?? Most of my crafts are all together. Looking at them has me like, “which manic episode was that?” And then… the chickens. There is so much that I already have that I just need to go beyond surface level on. And it will be much cheaper than a brand new hobby every 6 weeks that I never touch.
Maybe I’ll keep this updated. Maybe I will forget about it again. Who knows at this point.